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fatima
I recently received a reader's letter for my crack fic Love, Gaila (aka Orion Love/Sex/Relationship Advice Column), which I duly responded to as Gaila (and advised Keenser on how to get under Scotty's kilts). That got me thinking, it might be fun to have a little interactive RP.
The idea for those who might be interested:
You: Post a question of the love/sex/relationship nature in the voice of a ST:XI character. It can involve any kind of relationship (het, slash, gen, whatever). Please try to give a clear hint in either your letter or your handle who you're supposed to be. :D
Me: Reply in Gaila's voice and (hopefully) offer you a short, witty, and cracky solution.
Disclaimer: I might not be clever enough to devise a properly Gaila-esque response to every question I come across. I apologize in advance if such a case should arise.
If you have any question, please feel free to ask as well! Your favorite redhead alien is waiting to shed light on all your relationship troubles!
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Re: (orz don't kill me)
Date: 2009-10-07 10:41 pm (UTC)It seems a compromise is indeed in order. How about he get it on with the chick while you get some popcorn?
Love,
Gaila
Letter to the Editor
Date: 2009-10-07 11:01 pm (UTC)I was extremely displeased by your advice to the unfortunate gentleman whose suitor attempted to get him drunk in order to seduce him. I work with traumatized victims of assault every week who would find absolutely nothing funny in the scenario or your response. I can only hope one day I meet this gentleman and tell him how I feel.
-- Nursing Care
Re: Letter to the Editor
Date: 2009-10-07 11:36 pm (UTC)Greetings! Had the gentleman considered himself a victim, I'm sure he would have sought your service and benefited from your professionalism.
Love,
Gaila
Dear Gaila
Date: 2009-10-08 02:30 am (UTC)I have been engaging in sexual activity with a fellow officer. I made it very clear that I would never condone a threesome. But my partner recently encountered a strange alien plant that cloned him, and I had sex with both of him – at the same time. Now he is demanding that I experience the same phenomenon and clone myself because, and I quote, he “want[s] [his] chance to be fucked by two [Franks].” I think he is being illog—nonsensical. I regret ever agreeing to have a threesome in the first place. What should I do?
Not at all kinky,
Frank
Dear Gaila
Date: 2009-10-08 02:39 am (UTC)When performing fellatio, my partner keeps talking to my...penis. My partner addresses it as if it is a sentient being. I assure you, it is not. What should I do regarding this illog--odd behavior? Is it a human mating ritual?
My penis is not sentient,
Ricardo
Re: Dear Gaila
Date: 2009-10-08 02:55 am (UTC)In my experience, humans give names to things which they own and love, be it a golden retriver or a PADD with an apple symbol. Your partner is in effect claiming that all your bases are belong to him (her, it). Sit back and enjoy the ride!
Love, Gaila
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 06:29 am (UTC)My half-Vulcan boyfriend keeps biting me during sex. I'm a tough chic, but it's getting out of hand. I'm too embarrassed to ask him directly, but do you think he'd be insulted if I gave him a chew(sex)toy?
All bitten up about it,
Laura Jo
no subject
Date: 2009-10-09 06:29 pm (UTC)I've been told that Vulcans are biologically incapable of being insulted. Four words for your situation: No Gag, No Fuck.
Love, Gaila
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 06:33 am (UTC)Is is true that humans can't orgasm over and over again continuously? That they get tired? What's up with that? What species has a better stamina that I should be sleeping with?
Wanting more,
Tanya from ArtenII
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 12:05 pm (UTC)Human females can get it on repeatedly, and Vulcans are known for their stamina, but for general sexiness I must say, once you go Deltan, you never go back.
Love, Gaila
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 08:39 am (UTC)I have this problem, which isn't a problem, I guess, but I don't know what to do. I'd ask my best friend about it, but he so happens to be my boyfriend and that makes the whole 'please don't fucking tell my boyfriend about this' part of it sort of complicated.
My...boyfriend, I suppose, is... Okay, well, he's really fucking hot, and he's a freaking genius, and this whole thing isn't an age issue, but I'm the older one here, and I'm pretty sure that means I've got some sort of responsibility to show some restraint, right? The only thing is he's making it difficult to be a freaking gentleman about it, and while I don't want to tell him to stop... I don't know. How can I tell him that while I'm totally up for (insert hot, clever suggestion here), I just think that I'm committing to the special hell for letting the both of us do it?
Not wanting to turn this ship around (but concerned about the speed we're going),
Flynn
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 12:01 pm (UTC)Age ain't nothing but a number (unless you are under the minimum age, in which case I would ask for a fake ID). You seem perfectly willing to go to that special hell for him, so what's the problem again?
Love, Gaila
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 08:50 am (UTC)He makes me want to sedate him, but at the same time, I'm paranoid and worried when I don't know what the hell he's up to. Is there a chance of a happy medium for me, or am I going to spend the rest of my life making sure he doesn't accidentally infect unsuspecting civilizations with alien diseases and his 'charming personality'?
Too goddamn old for this,
Possibly Drunk and Bitter
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 11:52 am (UTC)If it's not caught on tape, it didn't happen.
Love, Gaila
P.S.: STD, it's what makes the Alpha Quadrant go around.
Meta - enjoying the thread
Date: 2009-10-08 06:59 pm (UTC)"You seem perfectly willing to go to that special hell for him, so what's the problem again?"
"once you go Deltan, you never go back."
"humans give names to things which they own and love, be it a golden retriver or a PADD with an apple symbol."
As a converted mac user, that last line above made me so happy! Very clever!
Re: Meta - enjoying the thread
Date: 2009-10-09 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-09 05:21 pm (UTC)Thank you! I am this awesome because I'm all-organic.
Love, Gaila
no subject
Date: 2009-10-09 11:42 pm (UTC)What do I do?
no subject
Date: 2009-10-09 11:45 pm (UTC)I would think the first step would be to figure out which one of them makes you disturbed—and which one makes you aroused!
Love, Gaila