A Very Condensed and Wildly Inappropriate Plot Guide to Star Trek XI

[fatima]

Rated R for all kinds of bad words.
Updated as per snowberry0619's lovely suggestion to include Cupcake. Also added a few things. Yay!

A Very Condensed and Wildly Inappropriate Plot Guide to Star Trek XI
by snowlight & dissociate

Robau: Seeya later suckers!
George: I GOT DA POWER!
(M.I.A. line: He did it for the peeps, peace!)
Winona: KHAAAAAAANNNN!
(Wait wrong movie)

Police Guy: Big brother's watching you.
Lil Jim: I didn't do nuthing!

Vulcan kids: Yo mama so fat!
Lil Spock: ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!
VSA Dudes: YO MOMMA.
Big Spock: Dude, way harsh! DIAF!
Sarek: [facepalm]

Kirk: Baby you so fine~~
Uhura: Ain't gonna happen!
Kirk: Once you go Kirk, you never go back~~
Cupcake: Bitch, please.
Pike: Who's your daddy?
Kirk: Whatevs man, you paying for my beer?
Bones: Space, that be some nasty shit.

Starfleet Guy #1: Dude, he beat your test! WTF?
Spock: U cheated!
Kirk: Did not!
Spock: Did too!
Kirk: Did not!
Spock: Did too! And who's your daddy?
Kirk: [sadfais]

Starfleet Guy #2: Cadet....you are made of fail.
Kirk: .................[sadfais again]
Bones: Dude's stoned. Gotta take him.
Uhura: I wanna sit with the cool kids!

Pike: God why can't Asians drive!?
Kirk: DUDE VULCAN IS GONNA BLOW LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!
Nero: Yo Spock. 'Sup man?
Pike: Who wants extra credit?
Sulu: FUCK YOU AND YOUR FORTUNE COOKIE JOKES!
Chekov: I can do zat!

Spock: MOMMY!

Jim: Let's stay here and par-ty!
Spock: Fuck you!

Spock Prime: Jim. I am....YOUR PEEPS, MAN.
Kirk: For realz?
Spock Prime: It's been ages, bro. Lemme touch you. My mind to your mind, yadda yadda yadda.
Kirk: DUDEWTF!
Spock Prime: Just let it happen, man.

Scotty: You fools, where be my Chinese food!
Spock Prime: Whoa dude, WHO DAT.
Scotty: I loved that dog!
Spock Prime: Now take that booty back, peace out!

Nero: C'mon man, this scropion thing's fucking hard to get right.
Pike: Inorite!

Spock: Set phaser to fabulous.
Kirk: YO MAMA's /REALLY/ fat!
Spock: ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!
Crew: OH SHIT'S GONNA START NOW!
Scotty: [eats popcorn]
Sarek: Chill baby chill.
Spock: [facepalm] (you so humiliated me I have to resign now)
Kirk: I call the chair!
Crew: OH WTF?
Bones: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
Kirk: Harsh, man. Way harsh.

Spock: Can I play too?
Kirk: I love you already man.
Spock: Sense of personal space, u dun have it.
Kirk: You can drive this right?
Spock: Whatevs, where my ho at, tell her I—
Kirk: TALK TO THE HAND!

Ayel: Shit's fucking weak man.
Kirk: I show you weak, bitch!
Nero: OMG, shrimp!
Kirk: Take it like a man, I wanna help you out, see?
Spock: Nuh-uh, bitches gonna get stitches.
Nero: YO MAMA!

Kirk: Who's da man now?
Pike: You ain't ever gonna be as awesome as me.
Spock: I gotta go. Gotta tap some bitch.
Spock Prime: No bro, you gotta stay. You're gonna tap some bitch alright.

Spock: 'SUP BITCHES!

—Space, the Final—
Actually screw that. Let's try: There Was Much Rejoicing, and They Lived Happily Ever After.

Comments

[igrab.livejournal.com]

IN WHICH I DIE LAUGHING FOREVER. THANKS FOR THAT.

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA YOUR ICON.

/highfive

[boldlynaps.livejournal.com]

Spock: Set phaser to fabulous.

HELL TO THE YEAH!

[noein9.livejournal.com]

OMG.

So Not Appropriate.

Bonus for Rapspeak.

[ariadnechan.livejournal.com]

i can't stop laughing for this!!
If i'm dead tomorrow morning is totally your fault!

[verizonhorizon.livejournal.com]

I'd pick out my favorite lines, except they're all my favorites!! Very clever, super fun, major LOLage. I think some of my favorite parts for each character include:
Sarek's facepalm,

Spock's ho(s),

Bones' ONYD,

Prime's let it happen,

Pike's inorite,

Scotty's dog,

Kirk's chair dibs,

....and I rejoiced!

[anruiukimi.livejournal.com]

This was great! I really need to stop reading these at work. XDDD

[caomhnoiri.livejournal.com]

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

-died, seriously-

-died, again, at "Take it like a man", is now undead zombie-

-...is alive? Or a double negative? Uh...-

[sparseparsley.livejournal.com]

AWW SHIT SON!

[lavellington.livejournal.com]

"Spock Prime: Just let it happen, man."

*giggle*

You. Are. Lovely.
And kinda insane. But mostly lovely.

[prynne12.livejournal.com]

THE AWESOME OF THIS...I CAN'T EVEN!!

::dies::

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

"Spock Prime: Just let it happen, man."

This makes more sense if you watched this (aka in which CP tries to seduce his Catholic schoolmate in the movie Confession's blooper reel):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSZ4BHsuuLQ

It starts at around 3:10.

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

Me too, my friend. Me too....

[rae1013.livejournal.com]

Seriously! I think it was this line Pike: God why can't Asians drive!? That made me snort cola out my nose. Thanks for that. =|

[dissociate.livejournal.com]

OMG THE SHAME XD

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

Lies. You have no shame!

[corporate-ninja.livejournal.com]

LOL.

I feel for yah, Sulu!

[betweenthebliss.livejournal.com]

brb, i am in stitches and my stomach is killing me. loooooooooooool. ♥__________♥;;;;;

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

Ahh your icon, so cute. :D :D :D

[snowberry0619.livejournal.com]

Awww~~~ that is too cute!!

But no cupcake? Would be fun to have cupcake~

Spock Prime: Just let it happen, man.

[onihime-sama.livejournal.com]

L:"Just let it happen, Robby."

My gawd now I have the whole "REMEMBER OUR PROMISE, ROBBY" song stuck in my head again. XD

This is so inappropriate it is MADE OF WIN (and insanity).

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the great suggestion! I added Cupcake and a few other lines. XD

Re: Spock Prime: Just let it happen, man.

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure this is what's sane, to me anyway....XD

[kataren.livejournal.com]

Pike: Who wants extra credit?

LOL!!

Re: Spock Prime: Just let it happen, man.

[onihime-sama.livejournal.com]

Uh, yeah, I actually meant the whole plot guide. XD

You met up with Straw yet?

Re: Spock Prime: Just let it happen, man.

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

Yeah we met up today. She told me all about your driving....

We had a great hot pot lunch then I came home and threw up....O_O

[deyuoh.livejournal.com]

brb, loling forever. Oh, Lord. XD

I always throw up after hot pot, is that normal?

[onihime-sama.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm sure she did, I mean, she looked like she was about to piss herself. lol

I've only been driving for two months, cut me some slack will ya?

Re: I always throw up after hot pot, is that normal?

[snowlight.livejournal.com]

正常个鬼啊，我几乎从来不吐的……

[renuki.livejournal.com]

THANKS, I AM NOW IMAGING THE VULCANS SAYING YO MOMMA! *laughing forever*

Spock: Sense of personal space, u dun have it.

Very true... heck, I have a feeling even if like Jim was a Vulcan, he will have no regard for freaking personal space.

[diane-kepler.livejournal.com]

This was teh best. Thing. Evor.

Hearts you guys like, woah.

[ivy-warlord08.livejournal.com]

*copies and pastes and prepares to print out a hard copy*

[azephirin.livejournal.com]

This is truly awesome, Spock's final line in particular. A+ would be inappropriate again!

[wisteria-bloom.livejournal.com]

"VSA Dudes: YO MOMMA."

I'M STILL ROLLING ON THE FLOOR! XD

[hinokumo.livejournal.com]

OMGROFL!! You win at life!

[hallzie.livejournal.com]

Oh myyyyy. I can't stop laughing, and I can't stop reading this. "Pike: God why can't Asians drive!?" I suspect I might've just died laughing at that part. This is made of pure awesome.