fatima | "Go the Fuck to Sleep", a Nursery Rhyme by Odin--or, How Did Thor Become Heir of Asgard

Inspired by and written as a homage to the very funny Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach. You can find audio versions on Youtube.

Summary: Frigga is away from Asgard for some reason and asks Odin to put Thor & Loki to bed. Odin encounters...difficulties.

"Go the Fuck to Sleep", a Nursery Rhyme by Odin

"The magpies have gone back to their nests,
Their young ones have ceased to chirp.
You have had a long day, my pride, my joy,
And now you must go the fuck to sleep.

"Look at your brother,
So peaceful it makes me weep
Do you hear me, my beloved child?
Seriously, go the fuck to sleep.

"Mani [the moon] is singing you a lullaby, and tomorrow
Sol [the sun] will take you into her chariot for a trip.
But I swear that you will be grounded forever,
Unless you go right the fuck to sleep!

"—How does your mother do this?
I'm this close to crushing you in my grip.
Fuck, I'm a failure, I'm the shittyass parent,
Please, just stop fucking with me and go to sleep.

"I promise you the throne, the crown,
And even your mother's golden ship.
If only, Thor, —STOP KICKING LOKI'S LEGS!—
If only you would go the fuck to sleep!

"You know what? That's it. I have had it.
I fucking give up.
You're the prince, I'm the king.
But so what? You are never going to fucking sleep.

"Will Frigga notice if I drop the hammer on you?
Alas, she will, and from her wrath none can escape.
Just—yes, just like that, my dear son, finally—
NO! THOR! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO WAKE LOKI UP!!!!!!"